I Guess It's Not For Me

I'm tired..
I'm exhausted..
I'm confused..
I'm mad..
I'm sad..
I feel so alone..

Finally, it's near to the end..
It's not a finish line, but more like a dead end road..
It's not the first time that we've made such a decision..
But now it feels like it's the real end..

There's no turning back..
There's no going to our home..
We've made another separate ways..
But it feels like a real goodbye..

I can't understand what's on your mind..
And i guess you can't stand me anymore..
There's no different, everything quite the same..
Just like when we decided to start our story..
But it has to be over right now..

We've made our promise..
But none of us can keep it..
We tried our best, but it couldn't change anything..
Everything so blurry, none was real..

She already put me in her past..
Everything will never be the same for her..
I tried to break her shield..
And all that i've got just goodbye..

I'm full of doubt right now..
If she can't stand me now, then there's no reason to be with her in the future..
She convinced me that i will always be the important part of her life..
But if she can't accept me now, then i guess it means nothing..

All your sweet words, all of the happiness we found together..
All those years we spent together, all of the smile and tears we shared..
They means nothing at all..
Because in the end, she already gave me up from her life..
(Even she still asked me to be her friend at last)

But that's only a past..
I'm 23 now, i'm still got a lot of good things to come..
I have to put her in my past..
I have to erase her from my memory..
She will always be the sweetest..
But she's not for me..
And i should never look back again..

It's time to put a smile back on my face..
It's time to put a confidence back in me..
It's time to reach my dreams..
It's time to motivate myself..
It's time to move on..

I have to prepare myself..
This is not the end, it just a part of my life..
There is no pain and regret..
There's only a beautiful memory to be keep and a beautiful mistake to be learn..

I never said that i hate you..
It's just a decision to be made..
For you and for me..
I hope God will always give you all the happiness in the world..
I hope you will find your love..

But you're not for me..
You're not the one that will wait for me..
I guess it's time for you to take the next step of your life..
But it's not with me..

And i guess it's not for me..

SMILE .... My Dearest One !!! (edited version)

There's a lot of things i want to say to you, and maybe with this note i can deliver it to you systematically.

Hemmm first of all ...
i'm glad to 'have' you back in my life. Mungkin klo aku belum paham tentang semua keadaan dan situasi yang dari dulu kita hadapin, tahun 2008 akan menjadi tahun yang berat bgt buat aku, hehe tapi sejalan dengan waktu, aku banyak belajar kok, 'jauh' dari kamu bner-bner malah ngebuat aku paham posisi kita sebenernya, yahh walaupun perasaan itu masih tetap sama, tapi aku sudah mempunyai sesuatu yang ngebuat aku jadi lebih kuat menghadapi situasi kita berdua (It's get better every years i guess).

Aku tau dan sadar bgt kok, klo keadaan kita akhir-akhir ini ga akan bertahan lama, sooner or later, kita pasti akan kembali ke masa-masa dimana aku jarang bgt ngbrl sama kamu dan sebaliknya (seperti yg kamu bilang kemaren, banyak org yg udah tau ttg kita, dan kita harus lebih menghormati orang lain). Dan biar kamu ga salah paham, aku ga pernah ngerasa kamu manfaatin dan aku juga ga pernah nyoba manfaatin kamu, i bet you already know that. Nah mumpung kita lagi intens berkomunikasi, aku pengen kamu tau klo aku selalu mau yang terbaik buat kamu. Jujur aja, aku males bgt setiap tahu kamu udah sama orang lain lagi (yet in fact, you never told it by yourself). Tapi itu masih jauh lebih baik dibanding aku harus denger kamu sakit karena orang lain itu. Walaupun itu ga semuanya salah mereka, tapi buat aku sama aja, i don't like it at all !!!

Mungkin masalah kamu yang terakhir ini bisa jadi pelajaran buat kamu, seperti yang udah aku bilang ke kamu, kamu tuh harus selalu berusaha klo kamu memang mau mendapatkan sesuatu, apalagi klo kamu yakin hal itu akan membawa sebuah kebaikan buat diri kamu sendiri. Jangan takut buat berusaha, fight for your own life!! Honestly, waktu beberapa malem yg lalu kamu cerita ke aku, aku bingung bgt dengernya. What makes him so special for you ?! hehehe... Tapi ga ada yang salah kok dengan itu semua, it's a common thing actually, i knew u well.
Dan aku selalu mencoba untuk menjadi lebih objektif, loose my own feeling just to give you some little suggestions.

And the point is, aku masih sama kok seperti yang dulu. Semua yang aku rasain ke kamu juga masih sama. Tapi setelah sekian lama, mungkin aku sedikit lebih realistis, dengan melihat hubungan kita secara lebih logis. Buat sekarang kita ga bisa terus bareng, jadi yaa aku cuma bisa membantu untuk membuat kamu ketawa lagi setelah kamu menghadapi masalah, membantu dengan mendengarkan cerita hari-hari kamu dan dengan menghormati orang-orang disekitar kamu. And i really enjoyed my new role as long as you always put a smile upon your face.

You know i always do, so stop being sad... As long as possible, you can share your story with me, ketemu juga boleh asal jangan sambil nagih traktiran mulu, kerja nya belum nyambung lagi nih, hehehe tapi klo kamu terus bantuin do'a, Insya ALLAH bisa cepet selesai skripsi nya dan bisa mulai kerja lagi nih, AMIN !!


NB: The original version of this note will always be our life little secret.

+. I heart YOU .+